The Perfect Christmas Cake Instructions?!

Ok so I'll admit now - this post will not tell you how to perform the most amazing email marketing campaign however we're more than just email marketing providers here and you're more than your title, so here's a bit of festive fun for the day.

My dad just sent my sisters and I his Christmas email which at first glance looked like a cake recipe, to which i blankly scratched my head and wondered if he really thought i would partake in baking this year.

On closer inspection i realised he hadn't lost the plot and was actually providing us with some entertainment (it is slightly worrying that we used to have a drunk tooth fairy and now we're getting drunk recipes - I believe he may think us all fond of a tipple!).

Here's something you can perhaps share with your tipple-loving friends/family (delete as appropriate) or if you must, try and relate to email marketing (if you manage that pls leave a comment on how!)

Enjoy and have a fab Christmas & New Year,

Abi

Christmas Cake recipe

Ingredients:
 
 * 2 cups flour
 * 1 stick butter
 * 1 cup of water
 * 1 tsp baking soda
 * 1 cup of sugar
 * 1 tsp salt
 * 1 cup of brown sugar
 * Lemon juice
 * 4 large eggs
 * Nuts
 * 2 bottle wine
 * 2 cups of dried fruit

Instructions

Sample the wine to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the wine again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the wine is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
 
Pick the bloody fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner.. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a schrewdriver.

Sample the wine to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the wine. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or shumefing. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl in the bin. Finish the wine and wipe counter with the newspaper.

Go to  Asda  and buy a cake.
 
Bingle Jells!